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Part One
A lone car cruised silently along a stretch of highway where decadent forest bowed under the weight of limb and tangle. The black asphalt, doused with a fresh coat of mid-October rain, made the shade and shadows all the more ubiquitous. Even the headlight beams pushing out from the ’73 Monte Carlo dropped dead right in front of them. Darwin kept it steady at ninety-five knowing that if he did happen to stray from his lane then the rumble-strips, forever assisting those without any linear sensibilities, would put him back on the straight and narrow, no questions asked. On the radio, Sonny and Terry’s “Train to Jordan” drifted over top the hissing of a partially open window while Darwin, pulling a shot from a bottle of Old Navy’s finest, his hand trembling slightly, replayed the scenario over and over again in his head - spin, click, spin click. A small trickle of blood careened over his lower lip. He bit harder. The last four hours had felt like an eternity- “People get ready, there’s a train a comin’.”
In the back seat, Louie was fast asleep and stretched out like a thin black cat, his grey, shoulder-length hair twitching in time to the vibration of a rumble-strip. Darwin didn’t care. He liked the added hum. It was another distraction. Nanny, who was in the front seat, her head turned slightly to the right, was staring into the black expanse which seemed to swirl all around them, through them, past them, numbing all senses. Darwin glanced over at Nanny and noticed how the blue glow from the radio light made her face look as if it were made of marble or ice, cold, lifeless and beautiful.
He had met Nanny four years ago at a lawn bowling tournament for the visually impaired while working under the table for his Uncle Gus, his only remaining relative. He had been on probation for robbing some dusty little video store off Highway 16. As it turned it out, this mom and pop operation didn’t carry much cash anyways, only coupons. As such, Darwin was nabbed three days later, pockets still stuffed. Cops had a good laugh. Darwin, however, didn’t see the humour.
Nanny, who was about Darwin’s age at the time, had brought her great Aunt to the lawn bowling pitch. Darwin had only, through his own narcissistic pleasure, noticed the Aunt, with the cataract-blue eyes, long before he’d noticed Nanny. Nanny stood off to the side as still and as quite as a forget-me-not lost in a hedge of roses. Perhaps it was this delicate stillness amid the chaos of animated chatter and wayward balls that finally drew his attention to her. She appeared more as a reflection, removed somehow from the reality of her surroundings. To Darwin, she altered the very atmosphere around her and transformed it somehow into pure, half-charged emotion. Transfixed by this, he gravitated to her like a moth weaving towards a forty watt light-bulb on the brink of burning out. Nanny, having been long neglected by an overworked step-mother and ostracized by her peers, regarded Darwin as one would a fallen angel, with terror and awe. She fell in love with him though, from the moment he drifted up to her, broken wing and all. He was thin and tall like her, and when he smiled, his light-brown eyes could profess in one glace what it took most troubadours to say in a lifetime: I’ll love you always. His life was hers, and hers his, and thus together, four years later and three bank robberies wiser, they both sat in morbid silence searching desperately for their own train to Jordan.
“What happened back there?” Nanny whispered, her soft voice threading the dark, cool air. “I mean, you’ve never had to fire the gun before.”
“Don’t know,” Darwin whispered back, still staring straight ahead. “I think Louie missed his cue.”
Louie, an old family friend, was almost three times their age and had been born a conman. The man oozed French from every pore and was passionately proud of his Quebecois ancestry. His short and often time’s irrelevant witticisms, complimented by a thick accent, made for incomprehensible yet irresistible conversation. He also had immensely thick dark, grey eye-brows to match his hair. The left eyebrow was always a tad askew and suggested a look of machismo par excellence or partial insanity. A sort of Jacques Cousteau meets John Dillinger. Unbeknownst to Gus, he had taken Darwin and Nanny under his wing and indoctrinated them, introduced them to the conman’s credence, the Holy trinity; the only three truths one needed to know when robbing a bank - diversion, distraction and confusion.
It was all about paying attention to the cues. Louie had made this explicitly clear. “Miss da cue and dat’s it, gigs up.” Louie had it all orchestrated. He would first enter the bank ahead of Darwin and Nanny, well dressed and intent upon opening a new account, preferably with one of the younger female tellers. Nanny, standing somewhere off to the side, would then pretend to faint, while Darwin screamed dramatically for help. Louie would then quietly slip the teller a note suggesting that if she wished to keep the back of her skull intact then she had best, and without drawing any undue attention, place whatever bills she could into the leather briefcase that had been opened before her. Thus Nanny’s and Darwin’s grand façade provided enough of a distraction for Louie to finish the transaction and quietly exit the building. This final counter-cue was the signal for Darwin to whisk Nanny out of the bank where Louie would be waiting with the car.
There was nothing new about this particular stratagem. It was really nothing more than just a sleight-of-hand or a coin behind the ear. One just has to add a hint of diversion followed by a twist of abstraction-trick turned. Every stage however has its unforeseen variable, a butterfly whose wings can at any moment set into motion that irreversible wave of cold, hard truth. An unnoticed bank guard and a small child were just such variables.
“She wouldn’t let go of my leg,” Louie had gasped, “I looked away for only a couple of seconds.”
What is time anyways? An unreliable gauge for an erratic cosmos? A means of appeasing the universal neurosis of humanity? Was not the earth created in the time it takes to draw in one’s breath?
The teller, having noticed Louie’s momentary preoccupation with a small rather playful girl of about five or six, had caught the guard’s attention with a spasmodic jerk of the hand. Louie had committed sacrilege. The chalice had been spilt. By time Louie had brought his attention back to task at hand, it was too late.
“Let me s-see your hands,” stammered the approaching guard to Louie, his tongue flickering in and out of his mouth looking for a place to hide. His revolver was also now in full view.
Darwin stood up, with gun in hand, and the teller screamed. The guard spun towards Darwin unleashing, in a fit of irrepressible nervous energy, two shots from his standard issue ’38, striking the brochure rack behind Darwin. Darwin, in blind terror, answered with two shots of his own. Through the sulfurous smoke Darwin saw that the guard had crumpled to the floor. He also noticed that the small girl was no longer holding on to Louie’s leg. Louie’s mouth was wide open. In the overall panic and confusion, all three had slipped out the side-door and were gone just minutes before the Prince George RCMP had arrived. In the car, they had all been stone-cold silent.
A couple of times Louie had leaned forward from the back-seat, his face bent and searching. But each time his eyes had met Darwin’s in the rearview mirror, he fell back on to the seat and remained silent. A new gravity had permeated the inside of the car, pinning the occupants to their seats. Even words would not flow properly anymore.
Part two
Darwin pulled the car off to the side of the road, turned off the ignition, and got out. The cool air, still moist from the recent rain, felt good on the face. Nanny and Louie got out also.
Straining to keep his voice steady, Darwin said softly: “They’re going to nail us on the other side of the pass. Not to mention they’re probably close behind us also.” He felt as if he was going to be sick.
Louie swore quietly in French and acknowledged the inevitability of the situation with a sleight shake of the head. Nanny sat up on the hood of the car. The clouds had begun to break, revealing a near full moon waning its way through a labyrinth of half-illuminated storm clouds. The moon, which seemed rather sympathetic and understanding, seemed to ask: Are you guys looking for a place to lay low? Visible now, on either side of the road, were columns of giant Douglas fir trees. Having never been touched by man or fire, the trees were monolithic in stature. Everything smelled damp and sweet.
Nanny, more as a casual observation directed to no one in particular, remarked in a rather flat tone: “There’s not much for traffic this time of night in these parts. There has got to be a side road or something that we could hang low on till all this passes over.” Her feet swung back and forth off the end of the car like those of a child oblivious to anything but the minute pleasures of random movement.
“Been looking for a place to duck in for the last hour or so. Nothing but wall to wall trees” Darwin mumbled, tossing a rock into the dark understory.
“We can’t just start running blindly through the forest. We wouldn’t last a week out there without the proper supplies and besides they’ve seen our faces.” Nanny jumped off the hood of the car and stood beside Darwin. “I’m sorry.”
“What would you do Louie?” Darwin asked, looking one way and then the other and then back towards the dark tree-line.
“What choices do we ‘av? We’ll never make it to Alberta let alone McBride, not by car anyway. Dey will be coming at us from all sides.” Louie paused for a moment then added: “I know dat de rail line runs parallel to da highway, perhaps two maybe tree kilometres nort of ‘ear, along da Fraser River. If we ditch da car and get moving now den we may be able to catch an empty rail car da rest of de way to Alberta. It’s our only ‘ope.”
A cool breeze shot across the highway sending a shudder down Darwin’s spine. Louie was right; they really didn’t have a choice.
“Let’s grab what we can from the car and then get this thing out of sight.” Darwin rummaged around in the back seat, grabbing his jacket, extra matches and the revolver; this he tucked into his back pocket. It felt heavy and cold. Nanny grabbed whatever snacks she could, stuffing them into a Cowichan sweater which was zipped up to her chin with her hair tucked in under the collar.
Louie, who had only the small briefcase, was scanning the ditch for a suitable spot to conceal the car. “Over ‘ear. We can tuck da car into dis tick patch of brush. Might buy us a little time anyhow. Dey won’t see it till morning.”
Darwin brought the car over to where Louie had indicated. The bank wasn’t so steep. Almost flat really. Darwin revved the engine slightly and then put it in gear. The car lurched off the edge of the highway and into the dense brush. This will have to do, thought Darwin as he squeezed himself out the door and through a thick mat of young cottonwood and alder.
“Just ‘ave to throw a few branches on ‘er and she’s as good as gone. For now anyhow.”
Just then a small flash of light could be seen up the highway through the trees. All three froze on the spot, the wind picked up again. The lights shot through once more, this time with a little more intensity.
“We got to get out of here. They’re only a few minutes away. Five minutes tops.”
“Could be just a transport truck. Dey like moving at night. Still, dey’re gonna stop no matter what if dey see us standing ‘ere.”
Not taking any chances, Darwin began scrambling towards the tree-line with Nanny and Louie following close behind. Once at the edge of the forest it had become painfully dark once more. Darwin went in first, falling to his knees almost immediately as he did.
“Take my hand Nanny.” Nanny came up behind Darwin and bumped into him. Darwin felt her warm breath on the back of his neck.
Louie again swore under his breath as he followed, but otherwise made very little sound. Audible now was a lone siren. They had managed to fumble their way into the forest a couple of hundred metres or so. The lights could be seen quite clearly now, passing the spot where the car had been ditched. They were slowing down.
“Shit, there are more of them than I thought. Looks like they’ve seen the car.” Darwin had gotten up on to an old log and was now straining to make out the details. “We got to keep moving.”
“What if they got tracking dogs?” Nanny voice trembled slightly as they advanced further into the dark void.
“Just keep moving. And above all else, stick to’geder.” Louie, who was just behind Nanny, put his hand on her shoulder for reassurance.
The terrain began to decline quite noticeably as the three pushed onwards. Every now and then the moon would poke through the dark canopy as if guiding them towards some unknown destination. Somewhere not too far ahead the gurgle of a river could be heard.
“Got to be da Goat” Louie gasped, struggling to keep his footing as they began to descend more and more towards the ever increasing sound of water crashing on rock. “Da tracks can’t be too far on dee uder side.”
“Jesus Louie, how the hell are we supposed to get across in this dark?” Darwin stopped suddenly causing Nanny to crash into him from behind.
“Ow de ell am I supposed to know. I’ve only seen it on da map.”
“I know Louie. I know.” Darwin ran his hand over top of his face. “Hard to think straight right now. Maybe there’s a log or something to cross. How wide is this river? Let’s see if we can get a closer look.” His words were quick and erratic.
They edged their way with growing trepidation towards the grumbling, tempestuous sound of this unexpected watery serpent known as the Goat River. The cool air began to move around them as if charged with energy. Just our luck, thought Darwin, had to hit an un-crossable spot. River’s full of rain too. Through the trees he could make out its undulating, moon-lit surface. The river seemed not to have any specific parameters. It was like some sort of visual orchestra of light and shadow, a celestial improvisation, and they but particles of dust floating uncontrollably along its dark periphery. The three huddled together on a steep embankment for what seemed like an eternity, contemplating their next move. Every now and then Darwin thought he’d seen a faint flash of light through the trees, uncertain as to whether it was a headlight or a flashlight. Nanny saw it too, this he knew. She was pressed against him and he noticed how her body tensed ever so slightly and how her breathing would stop. Darwin could hear Louie fumbling for a match and cigarette in his coat pocket. A brief flash of light erupted in front of him and, in that brief moment, Darwin saw the small girl standing beside Louie once more. He felt the blood drain from his face and the air leave his lungs as if he’d been struck in the stomach.
“Hey. . .Darwin…don’t worry,” Nanny whispered, noticing the sudden rigidity in his body. “We’ll just work our way slowly along the river’s edge until we can find a place to cross. Got to be some shallows or something.” Her voice became his one small beacon of light. He pinned his mind to its every word, hoping to shake the image out of his head. “They’ll never find us if we keep moving and, unless they got dogs we’ll be long gone before daylight. Isn’t that right Louie?”
Louie had been sitting quietly with his back against the trunk of a gnarled, old fir tree a few meters away. A faint orange glow produced a most sinister effect upon his face. Darwin shuddered. In the distance, they could make out the sound of a train’s horn. Instinctively, all three snapped to attention at the same time. They began clambering once again, moving up river, hoping of find a suitable place to cross. The wind began whipping through the trees with a noticeable intensity. The trees rocked and moaned as another blast from the train’s horn could be heard once again, this time more distorted. Wind does that. It plays with sound, throws it around a little, and makes you doubt your senses. Horizons constantly shift, sounds flit about like hummingbirds on a feeder. They were now along the river’s edge and could see that the river wasn’t all that wide. Still with all the recent rain, it was difficult to determine if it was safe to cross.
“Gonna have to cross sometime,” Nanny remarked. “Doesn’t seem so bad here. If we link arms and take it one step at a time then I’m sure we can do it.” She bent over and stuck her hand in the water and then withdrew it suddenly as if she had been bit by a snake, laughing nervously as she did.
“Doesn’t look like we have much of a choice.” Darwin was now looking in the direction that they had come and saw that they were indeed being followed.
Along with the crossing beams of flashlights, they could make out the guttural wails and snarls of tracking dogs. The scene had become surreal. It felt like they were being chased further and further into some sort of dark abyss; an inferno, with a faceless Dante laughing uncontrollably somewhere on the outer ring.
“Take ‘old of my arm.” Louie wedged Nanny in between Darwin and himself and began advancing towards the water like a scene out of The Wizard of Oz.
Into the icy embrace they slipped, their skin recoiling in shock. Within just a few moments they were waist deep already. Not a good sign. The tracking hounds began to bay louder. Nanny could barley manage to keep her footing. Half way and almost chest deep now. The current, as if composed of miniscule hooks, ripped relentlessly around their frigid bodies, pulling and tearing without mercy. Darwin, his one arm inter-locked with Nanny’s, the other flailing desperately along the water’s surface, could feel the bottom shifting below his feet. Louie gasped and Nanny let out a faint cry. They were now adrift, helpless like infants. Darwin could barely make out the tops of Louie’s and Nanny’s heads. No one said a word as they began drifting further apart back towards the section of river they had first chanced upon just moments earlier.
Adrift and blind, Darwin felt as if he were being ferried from the land of the living like a ghost lost upon the river Styx without coin for safe passage. There was no fear however, only anguish and despair. Even in this moment, he could no longer contain the despondency that had plagued him after the shooting. There could be no reconciliation for what he had done. At this moment, the water tasted sweeter than air. It would be so easy, he thought, like going to sleep. His body wouldn’t allow it though. Like a cat always hitting the ground feet first, his actions became reflexive; his body would not go under so long as he could move his limbs. Something below him stirred, beckoned his attention. It was her again, staring up, indifferent, amused even, her luminescent hair fanned out.
“Forgi…forgive me.” He was now underwater, his words sinking below him, hollow and impotent.
He felt the cool water flowing into his body, his life ebbing out. Another light above? Was she abandoning him, or was he sinking away from her? Either way, it did not matter. He was a pariah, a deplorable outcast, but still… With the last thread of strength, he raised his arm towards the glow above him. He felt his body jerk violently, a flash of light, then all was dark.
Part three
“Yes, brought him in about four-thirty this morning if you could believe it.”
“From where?”
“Hold on. Hey Ellen, did you give Mr. Fisk his second dose? Yes. Good. Anyway, like something out of a Jack London. Pulled them out of the Goat, heading god knows where. Constable Thomas said the one kid wasn’t breathing when they plucked him out, for at least a couple of minutes.”
“Jesus, we got ourselves a real Lazarus.”
“Yea, but he’s no saint. They say it’s them alright. Got the one guy cuffed to the frame right now, with an officer at the door for good measure.”
Darwin remained still, kept his eyes closed; let the words drift over his body. His throat burned as if he had swallowed fire. Had he swallowed fire?
“Oh, why won’t she stay in bed?”
“Who?”
“You know the…hold on one moment. I forgot to page Dr. Stevens about the test results.”
Darwin heard the mechanical click of a door closing shut and the shuffling of feet; felt a light draft of air on the face and with it, the smell of vinyl and antiseptic. Nanny? Louie? The guard? The girl? My God, the girl. His mind was a whirlwind. The last twelve hours had become a mockery and he, chained like a child to its every moment, was powerless and empty. He felt the cuffs bite into his wrists as his body became rigid. Straining, he felt again the torrent of water pulling on his flesh. I am not bad, he thought. . .not bad. His skin crawled bloodless and cold. Cold blooded? No! He flexed his fingers and felt the bones pop and shift as if his hands were being nailed. It was unforeseeable was it not? It was beyond anyone’s control. But someone has to pay.
The space beyond the fringes of consciousness swirled about the room as Darwin began to quietly sob. Beyond the window, a lone train could be heard, its call rising and then falling like a final breath. Darwin did not notice the small figure that had entered the room and was standing near the far wall.
“Why are you crying?” The voice was more a soft whisper.
Darwin sat up quickly and tried to make out who was speaking. “Who’s there?”
“Are you hurt?” was the reply. “Cause I’m hurt too, just a little bit. Doctor says I’m a tough cookie. Do you like cookies? Why are you crying? My arm got a cast that weighs more than my dog. My brother says I’m gonna have a monkey arm.”
“Come. . .come over where I can see you.” Darwin could only make her profile as she remained against the shadowed wall next to the door.
“I’m not supposed to be out of bed. The nurse says I’m going to make myself sick. Got them running all over. They can’t get mad at me though cause I’m the one hurt.” She began clicking her tongue while tapping her cast in equal time.
Just then a nurse burst in through the door. “Goodness child, you’re supposed to be in bed. You certainly cannot be in here. How did you get by the police officer?”
“He was busy laughing with the other nurse.”
“I see. Well come along, you’ve given everyone a heart attack.”
Darwin stared on as the nurse began to leave with the small child in tow. Just before the door clicked shut, however, the girl turned quickly toward Darwin. “I don’t blame you.‘Cause anyone who cries has got to be sorry for what they done, and you look sorry.”
Darwin sat stunned as the nurse whisked the girl out the door. In the hallway, he could hear the nurse yelling at both the police officer and another nurse. The door clicked shut. Doesn’t blame me? Blame me? He let the words roll around on the tip of his tongue. Just then, a pigeon fluttered against the window and was gone a moment later, disturbing all but one of the flowers in the planter outside. A flower from ash reborn? From ash...alive.
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